7. Fear is good, rage is even better

“Anger in an engine is powerful. It can drive as forward; it can get us through the dreadful moments and give us real inner power.” Scila Elworthy

If you are afraid it is a good idea to write down your fears, no matter how absurd they may appear and rationalise them.  At a talk with Professor Donald Hutton, an academic who has done extensive research on witches and Druidism, he pointed out that the witch trials in Early Modern Europe from the 15th – 17th centuries were driven by hysteria but that there is nothing more distressing than the illness of a child or the death of a child. The belief in and fear of someone who has the capacity to harm children is all consuming. Today that fear is acute. After fear, anger is the emotion that grips me. Once we realised that it’s OK to feel this emotion we can feel courage.

If you decide to investigate a friend’s house, go with an open mind. If you start to feel ill before you go, get a headache, feel cold, be warned that something already knows you are on your way. Drive diligently. Wear a black crystal on your person; Say a prayer into it for protection, breath shamanic breath onto it. Ask whoever protects you, your power animal or guardians to create shield around you. If you get there and it’s all too much, too scary and perhaps you feel out of your depth – stick to your plan. Even if the odds are stacked against you – if you have a plan, stick to it. Do what you came to do, because I can almost guarantee, that you will not be on your own and that you will have company in the form of those spirits who want to watch and help. Then, if your intuition is telling you to embellish – go for it.

Don’t run away or crack. Don’t think, oh maybe I won’t bother smudging the house, maybe I don’t need to say a prayer because that’s something interfering. Someone doesn’t want you to succeed. That’s the ghost or entity protecting its patch, its agenda and it is baffling you. Stay grounded, do your stuff and leave. If you can’t help the situation, bottle your pride, feel that embarrassment and ASK FOR HELP.

Be true to yourself

If you can’t help someone – be honest. If you go to someone’s house and you are out of your depth, Leave! If you tremble and are physically hit, protect yourself, give it your best shot and get out of there. There is no need to pretend you’re a super hero. Maybe the ghost is a woman who was murdered by a man and if you parade into that house with all your masculine heat and pride, she’ll freak. Maybe she needs a woman to sit with her, talk to her, understand her and help her move on. Maybe a different ghost doesn’t like women and maybe he’ll put up a stronger fight with a man that leave him vulnerable. Some ghosts don’t know they’re dead. That was a shock to me. And an even harder truth to convey to the said, dead person.

Don’t knock what you’ve inherited and keep your wits about you

We live in a world of deadlines and maps where we use 2% of our brains, where we are all trying to find our place in the world. We need to look at the world – our here and now, and if we still can’t work out our place in it or what our perfect job is, we simply need to do what we are good at. If can use our intuition to help find your place in the world, we can bring our past, present and future together. We need to teach our children to be sensitive human beings, in touch with their emotions and to trust their intuition. Schools are teaching Mindfulness but I wonder if for most children this is preaching to the converted. Children are already mindful, very aware of their environment and very aware of the negative news and influences. The negative news that is in the headlines and on our screens led to my depression at the age of fourteen. I was one of those very aware children who felt things and acknowledged a world that others didn’t. Mindfulness is only the first step, support networks, community and family are more important. I could not compartmentalise the Ethiopian famine that was constantly on the television, I could not understand why celebrities had to sing, Save The World, I couldn’t understand why we needed nuclear bombs. What was wrong with the world? I have from a very young age, known that all isn’t well in the world and that none of us are realising our potential. I am the sort of person who knows there is more to life than this. At fourteen I was on sleeping tablets and anti-depressants. Psychology sessions did nothing for me. They only pushed me further inside of myself and increased my barriers.


6. Speaking truth

Sometimes, something magical happens when I am with a friend. It is always when we are one-to-one, when no one else is present and when the other person is talking his or her truth. It is a rare occurrence. Most people try to fool us into the mask that they need us to see but occasionally it happens when a friend relaxes, allows their barriers to drop and just chats away to me – it is not even that they are sharing something of great importance. I have always had this experience but up until recently, I did not know what it meant. In the past, I put it down to Spirit. I think it is Spirit but it is more than that, it is the two of us opening a window to be real and in the moment. I do not believe that it is just me making this happen. I believe it is an honest, co-creative space that generates light.

The first thing I notice is that the light in the room changes. Then I think to myself, Right – here we go. . . The light and darkness in the room increases simultaneously. I have no idea how that is possible. The room becomes so bright and yet so dark, and my perception of space changes. It is as if the room expands, walls disappear, yet we are held by the light – contained. I wonder if it is my pupils dilating but I am never aware of an intense feeling of love for example, prior to this strange and lovely happening. Even now, I am only guessing at the meaning of this and I think that if someone else were to give me an explanation, it would put it into a box. I do not believe in giving everything labels, putting everything into boxes. Every part of life is an opportunity to wake up, to feel and listen. It must be part of my life purpose to piece this magical puzzle together.

When I see, hear or feel the supernatural world, I do not put it down to my imagination (and I have a full-on imagination when I need it) rather, I question what it is. I have a very inquisitive mind and I do not shy away from ghosts or daemons – I face them. In that moment, I grasp my senses – rationalising WHAT it is. I think as objectively as the moment allows. If am scared, then obviously the experience is subjective – holy sh*t what is that? If I cannot rationalise what is happening or come up with a logical explanation, then I allow it to be what it is, a supernatural experience.

5. Love Separates Us

Love brings us closer to our friends, family, nature and pets but it does something incredible too: it separates us from that which does not belong to us – from negative, base energies. Love elevates us, expands us and conversely – fear, hate and jealousy divide. Love reveals hidden truths. Love’s truth is in it healing. Division is not always a bad thing. Cell division happens all the time.  It is also true that entities come to test us. They test our love and resilience, seek out our weak spots such as jealously, fear or hatred and aim to create mayhem.

Before I went to school aged five, I was so unimpressed with people. The left side of my mouth would curl up. It’s quite funny to think that at such a young age I was miffed at adults and their perception of the world. I didn’t have a competitive streak in me, I was pessimistic but very aware. Maildome Patrice Somé told me that one of the reasons (that as an adult) I don’t enjoy life is because of the lack of magical, spiritual and shamanic ritual in our society and in my life. He was right. One of the things I have always done to combat the numbed-down plane we live on, is to surround myself with beautiful things. My house is wall-to-wall with paintings and drawings. My family could never understand why I didn’t try harder to sell my paintings but I needed to be around the colour and expression.

I am not an expert on ritual (and I don’t wish to be) but the other day, I noticed that the first thing I do when I feel a presence, is light a candle. I was eating a bowl of soup in the kitchen and became aware of a presence behind me. I lit the candle on the table and moved round to the other side so that I could face whatever it was. It was then I realised that this was a tall man with long dark hair. It was someone I knew from over twenty years ago who had passed away. If you are alone and you feel something, it doesn’t necessarily mean it is something or someone bad. I had felt very uncomfortable with him leaning over me but once I moved, I was fine with his presence.

Sometimes, when people I know die, they pay me a visit. The first time I noticed it, I was living in a small flat with a beaded curtain to separate my bedroom from the kitchen. The windows were closed and I had just got into my bed. The beaded curtain moved and tinkled as if someone had joined me. For some reason, I was not scared. I had a good feeling that someone just wanted to say a tender hello and goodbye all at the same time. I put out my hand and someone held it. I had the feeling it was a man. Still I felt comfortable, so I stayed in my bed and breathed deeply, closed my eyes and did my very best to stay in the moment. Days later my mum told me that a family relative had passed away.

The next time it happened, I had finished work for the day, I opened the door to the same flat, the sun was streaming in through the windows and immediately I knew someone was there and they’d been waiting on me. Again, the feeling was warm and happy. I did what I always do and I lit a candle but this time I put it in the exact spot where I felt the presence. This was a young man, very friendly who needed to say goodbye. It wasn’t until some weeks later that I went out for a walk with my ex-boyfriend that he told me the terrible news. A friend in Cheshire had killed himself. I was so upset and my heart broke knowing that he’d especially come to see me in Somerset. The strange thing was, that when I had last seen him, I had known as he walked away from me that – he was going to die. I had always felt guilty that maybe I could have done more to help him but although I was giving healing sessions, I felt that his schizophrenia was way out of my depth and I was frightened of what might happen but still, I should have offered him healing. I think when he passed he must have felt my guilty conscience because he stayed with me for a long time admiring what I had done to flat, the colour I had painted the walls, the décor because we shared artistic  views.  

Years later I was in a different house, one that was very haunted and gave us a horde of problems so I was not very receptive when I felt an older lady in the upstairs hallway watching me with my daughter who was about two years old. I glowered at her and asked her straight away who she was because I was in no mood for games. An image came into my mind of my mum’s cousin but I didn’t make the link (I can be incredibly slow). Why was I seeing her face? And yes, you guessed it, days later my mum told me the sad truth that, she had passed away too.

The simplest ritual is to burn a candle. Always have a few candles and matches (or a lighter if you don’t’ smoke). I’ve never smoked but always made a point of collecting lighters or souvenir match boxes whenever I go on holiday. I believe that we are never ever on our own. I talk to myself all the time . . . No it’s not a sign of madness. You might start thinking about someone who you haven’t heard from in a long time. That’s never a coincidence. Most of the time, it’s because they are thinking about you. Light a candle and wish them well. I often light a candle when I write to honour my ancestors, my grandparents and my dad but it is my aim one day – is to BE that candle, that light of the ancestral flame who expresses knowledge, truth and love.

4. Listen to Children

Listen to the children

Children are born pure spiritual beings. They arrive from source, from light. Perhaps we could say that they are enlightened beings. They bring with them all the love and wisdom from our ancestors. If you have ever sat silently with a baby (pre-speech) you can feel this. What is it? I think it is pure spirit. It is the most fantastic experience. That is why families like to meet a new baby, why we like to hold a baby, why they are passed around because when they are passed from uncle to grandmother, they are in reality spreading the news, that they are back and they are bringing love.

Children are clairvoyant until they are three years of age. I was told this by Peter Aziz, a hereditary shaman but I know this because I experienced it. I will only write about what I know. When we read a novel or watch a film, we are able to suspend our disbeliefs (our critical faculties) and believe something surreal. Children on the other hand cannot. In the Montessori approach to learning, children should only watch animation or read fiction once their big teeth have come in because only when they are five or six years of age are they able to differentiate between make-believe and what is real. I have difficulty suspending my disbelief when I am watching a film. If I am scared or uncomfortable with the subject matter, I often have to turn down the volume or leave the room.

If children are listened to by non-judgmental parents, then there is much to be learned on both sides. Up until the age of five, if they see a green monster in telly and then see a green monster in their bedroom, both experiences are truly terrifying and no parent is going to believe that there is indeed a daemon on the ceiling if it fits with something they have just read or watched. As a parent, that’s a huge mistake to make. Listen to your children. If they are scared find out what is frightening them because it could well be a real phenomenon. Don’t indulge them but listen with an open mind. Oh really, where did you see /hear that? Is it still there? Can you still hear it? If they can, remove them from the situation or sleep in the same room.

The reason for children being able to see things that we cannot, is that they do not have auric protection as adults do. They are vulnerable. I am not trying to frighten. I am trying to wake-up people to the supernatural world. If we do not believe our children or accept that we can only see a small percent of the visual spectrum, we are choosing to live, quite literally in the dark. We need to stop pretending that because we cannot see what children and shamans see that nothing else exists. If your child is having night terrors or repetitive nightmares, either put them in a different room, stay with them, ask for help from a Chaplin or pay an exorcist. The amount of fear you invest in this can hinder you. If you are too scared to ask for help, then everyone in your family will suffer. Adults are here to protect and love. It is our role. If you are terrified, you need to take back your power by confronting whatever it is and telling them to get out of your house. To use a cliché – stand tall, take deep breaths, learn how to ground yourself, repeat the Lord ’s Prayer (or whatever is your natural inclination) or true religion. Prayer is wonderfully effective. It calms us, protects and helps to create an atmosphere of reason where before there was panic.

3. Darkness

There are two types of people, those who can’t stand being on their own and those who need time alone to walk through town or be in the garden. Capricorns for example need company, so there’s not much point spending all your money on them because they value your company. Cancerians, for example are more likely to be aware of the supernatural because they are used to their own rhythms, listening to their own thoughts and doing their own thing. When something that doesn’t fit the intrinsic routine of themselves, they are acutely aware of it. They might see a person who walks slightly differently, a face at a window, an obscure smell, an odd sound, or it could be a feeling that something is awry. My mum, for instance (a Taurean) didn’t start to experience anything supernatural until after my dad passed away and she was living on her own in a different house. The world is full of distractions and noise that we rarely hear or feel what is immediately present and therefore we are unaware of what could be influencing us.

Why did so many bad things happen to me? A yoga teacher once told me that everything was due to resonance which left me feeling utterly deflated because reasoned that, I must have crap resonance. We can look at resonance like this – if someone has a disease, there is a disturbance in the body. I have always believed that illness as psychosomatic: we get flu when we’ve just had enough of stressful work, we get a cold when we are tired. If we go beyond resonance theories we understand that illness, like our shadow self’s have something very important to tell us. My daughter taught me many things, one of which was resonance.

She showed me when I was reading the situation wrong, when I didn’t show enough patience and when I wasn’t responding to her needs. Being a parent is the hardest thing to do in the whole world and it is a vital opportunity to grow as a person. As adults, we have needs too but our needs, for a while, take a back seat.

Don’t use labels

Unless you are happy to stand by the title of shaman, witch, druid, heathen, pagan, occultist or medium and takes the blows with the praise – don’t use a label. There’s no need to put yourself into a box. We are not labels or titles, we are much bigger than that but we are also more humble. Our consciousness includes other people’s consciousness, the consciousness of our pets and plants. Why condense that precious awareness into something that can be used to hurt you. If you don’t say to yourself – I AM THIS or I am that, you are free to be a daddy one moment and a sorcerer the next, if that’s your choice. Or you are free to participate in nothing that opens the door to the occult. I have always been the type of person who draws energy towards me. By that, I mean dark energy. I am not aware of benevolence unless I am in nature or with my daughter.

2. The Problem with Fairies, Elves and Angels

The problem about fairies, elves or angels is that at some point, one has to consider the other side. Evil entities. Most people would rather not think about those things. However, to deny their existence is very dangerous and makes hypocrites of all parents who make their children believe in Father Christmas, Jack Frost or the Sleep Fairy. We bring up our children to believe in lies and then wonder why they are angry at the system that has procured them and why there are disillusioned or depressed as teenagers. Then we are upset when our children do not respect us or listen to us.

Can we all honestly say that we listened and believed our children when they were scared in the middle of the night or when they were going to sleep; when they said they felt something crawl on them or move around in their head or worse, hurt them? We must listen to our children for they are our barometers. I was not that worried or concerned about the supernatural in my life until it started to affect my daughter.

It was only then, when after doing shamanic banishing rituals, casting circles and drawing pentagrams in the air or saying the Lord’s Prayer, which did not help or improve the situation – that I became truly angry, frustrated and frightened. It was only when my daughter reached the age of about three that I swallowed my pride, admitted that I did not know everything and reached out to a Priest.

This is the second greatest misconception that I had, (the first being that I was OK, knew almost all there was to know about the supernatural and could protect myself) that someone of the cloth wouldn’t understand me.

The apprehension I felt when I approached the Priest (who fortunately was my next-door neighbour, a colleague and friend) dispelled, when I admitted defeat and asked for his help. I started by saying that, hundreds of years ago I was the sort of person whom the Church would have burnt at the stake because I had medium-ship skills. His eyes nearly popped out of his head but when I explained what was going on, he began to join the dots and was incredibly non-judgmental.

Amongst other things, I had experienced a type of (for lack of a better word) Nazi in our house. I often felt him and psychically saw him near to the downstairs bathroom. He was very arrogant, evil and mocked me when I tried to get him to go away using a powerful wand and staff for protection. Admittedly, I was suffering from lack of sleep as my daughter never slept through the night until she was three and a half years old but lack of sleep alters one’s perception. It is used as a method of torture but it also initiates visions. Not only was I doolally, I was also desperately trying to protect my daughter. The man wore a long, black leather coat, uniform, hat and seemed to come into the house from the North East.

A few days before the Priest came into my house, a letter arrived addressed to a German person. I researched the surname and freaked out. There was a notorious Nazi with this surname. I did not assume that the previous occupants to our house had been like-minded but I received this piece of information as a wake-up call. To this day, I do not know if there was even any connection between the previous occupants and the presence in our house. At the time, I did not need to know, I just wanted him gone.

Father K (I won’t give his actual name) however, knew that I was picking-up on something and he said to me that just because I was seeing things that no one else saw – that didn’t mean those things weren’t there. This was a point of personal liberation for me. To be accepted and forgiven. I had never spoken to anyone of Christian authority about my experiences for fear: Fear of being labelled a witch, fear of being persecuted, of being hated, fear of being feared.

Dressed in his clergy gear and with his book of rituals, my husband and I joined the Priest on the floor of the living room for prayer. Then he walked round the whole house, sprinkled holy water, and prayed in every room. I finally felt safe.

1. Rise Beyond Taboo

Writing the Invisible

Everyone experiences the supernatural at some point in their life.


When I was in my twenties, I had a calling to go to India. I spent all my time and money learning, reading, practising healing and alternative therapies. I received my Reiki Two degrees, Prana Healing second degree, I dipped into Kinesiology, Shamanism, mediumship, experimented with Yantras, breath, visualisation, dowsing and meditation. Then I gave sessions, which combined everything I knew: I channelled, used the Tarot, made flower remedies and used crystals.

I believed for a short while that I would write my own system of healing and became quite close to doing so but I am glad I did not because I think this would have been a disappointing path for me.

It is clear to me that we do not need systems of beliefs to understand the supernatural or to protect ourselves from energies which wish to cause harm. We need to ground ourselves and listen to our intuition.

If you are like me and have had supernatural or ghostly encounters like the ones I will describe in this blog – then I would love to hear from you! I hope that through reading this you will realise that you are not going mad, you are not alone in your experience of the supernatural and that it is OK to ask for help. In fact, if you are scared, do not wait for answers, go to your local church and ask for your home to be blessed or find an exorcist – do it now.

Here is the book that I have searched for my whole life. I hope you find it a treasure in amongst all the others. Many healers do not put everything they know into a book; they want you to do their course because the hard truth is that they need to make a living. And why shouldn’t they charge for their skill? I believe that everyone experiences something supernatural at some point in their life but they forget or are too embarrassed to tell anyone.

It is time to stop hiding and speak about things that are real and yet hidden. If we admit, there are supernatural things at work, which affect our lives, we can be clearer, live with insight and be happier. We can consciously decide what we do not want in our world and what we want to celebrate. We can ask for help when it is needed, sleep peacefully and protect our children